@mincessprincess
Hi, to start, I've written the first post of this blog 3 times. First time being on October 23. Each time only writing enough to introduce a topic but losing interest or losing energy or sometimes it was just something to do until I was drunk enough to fall asleep. I feel a deep longing for writing but I am always struggling with depression or anxiety and I either feel so foggy that I'm not sure how I feel or I'm not sure if I'm being honest with myself about how I feel. But I know I need to write and I know all it takes is to just keep trying. I don't know how honest to be though. I know I want to share how I feel, I know that I think and feel deeply and wish to have conversations about my thoughts but I am scared to talk about things where my enemies can see. I don't want anyone who doesn't like me to further use my openness to hurt me. I also don't feel comfortable with being anonymous either. If what I feel is praised I want people to recognize me, if my what I feel is ridiculed then I'd rather kill myself or become invisible. I am annoyed and burdened that neither of those are an option for me. It takes up too much energy to be dishonest and I am not calculative enough to remember my lies. I envy manipulative or gas lightening people for that trait. What I know I'd like to be featured on this blog are songs and playlists and photos I've taken that capture the blog essence/how I feel and felt. Sounds a little hippy dippy but for the lack of better words I'm sure you get my drift. This will either be an online journal or something more with an outline but I'm hoping for both. I'm hoping this blog will bring me what I yearn for even though I am not sure what that is yet. 👌
